Who Decides Something Is "Too Much"?

A lot of people, for various reasons, get told at some point in life that they're "too much." These days that often gets tied to a late diagnosis of a neurological disorder, or it's the behaviour of unresolved trauma playing out. On the plus side, some people are just charismatic and larger than life — and that's a gift. Bless them. Their joy is infectious, and we all need it. They are classified as never "too much" — despite the clear and spoken association.

Recently I was told that someone raised a concern about something I did or said — that it was "too much."

Who decides that, though? That something or someone is "too much"? Who makes the rules?

How I cope with my struggles is my business.

I want you to truly think about what space you have in your life to be honest and raw without being judged. Is there any? Sure, there are endless forums, chat groups, apps, support groups (mothers' groups — which I know some of you reading will subconsciously tense up about), and of course the good old and new social media platforms. Then there's the medical pillar, where over long periods of time we're challenged with the scary task of a) getting an appointment and b) building trust to be completely open.

I believe we should always first pause and be thoughtful before deciding, personally, what's "too much." Provided there's no threat of danger, violence, or simply illegal actions — it's often just someone expressing themselves, probably needing an outlet, putting a band-aid on, and maybe even a cry for help.

In my journey with togetHER, and with the mothers I meet, I've seen it as a form of freedom in a life that lacks it — freedom of choice, and another way of creating a sense of safety.

"Safety" is something I'll be exploring in greater detail one day, when I have the capacity to open that Pandora's box.

Being hypersensitive (the ADHD kind) — whether I'm immediately conscious of it or not — I usually get to a point where I soften and find a way to restore the balance of being said or perceived "too much." I think about it a lot. I have been all of my above-mentioned versions throughout my life.

Everyone has their own shit. Everyone has good days and bad days. If I've offended anyone through this channel, or genuinely caused concern — feel free to contact me. I will gently and genuinely give you consolation. I am here to learn, and I will never stop.

Imagine, though, if there was a place we could be free — again, in a non-hateful, threatening, or unsafe way. That is part of my hope for togetHER: a village for mums where honest conversation belongs, and where connection and restoration can happen in your own way. To say how we really feel, take a breath, and move forward, without leaving wounds we'd undoubtedly revisit later.

I know who I am, and I know I have the best intentions, even when they don't always work out that way. Sharing like I do is new for me. It's become cathartic, but most of all, allowing people in as myself — "too much" or not — and yes, in person, face to face, has allowed me to learn truths that will lead me to source safe places, the right services, and create tools to ensure we can restore ourselves, however we choose to, and to whoever we want to be.

Yes, I did a reel a couple of days ago stating I was stepping back from self-promotion. But here we are.

To the RH mothers and amazing women of the world — YOU DO YOU.

Love Katie

@together_village_

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Originally published on Substack.